


Volleybitches

by dontworryaboutmefolks



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Funny, Karasuno, Karasuno Volleyball Club - Freeform, M/M, Please Do Not Take This Seriously, Slang, Texting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-06
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-17 12:33:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28600005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dontworryaboutmefolks/pseuds/dontworryaboutmefolks
Summary: Tuesday 1:55pmHinatawhat’s a simp?Ennoshitayouthis work is inspired by seidou’s seid-hoes by mzyz
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi
Comments: 5
Kudos: 70





	1. pickle juice?

_Sawamura Daichi created Volleyball gc_

_Daichi added Hinata, Kageyama, Tanaka, Yamaguchi,Nishinoya, Sugawara, Ennoshita, Kinoshita, Tsukishima, and Asahi to Volleyball gc_

_Tuesday 10:31 am_  
**Daichi**  
Hey guys! This is our new group chat and I just wanted to remind you guys about our practice game later 😎

**Nishinoya**  
Don’t be a coward! Make sure you show up!

**Sugawara**  
Why do I feel like that message was directed at a specific person?

**Nishinoya**  
because it was.

**Asahi**  
couldn’t be me lol

**Nishinoya**  
it’s you

**Kinoshita**  
:o

**Tanaka**  
who are we playing again?

**Kageyama**  
Aoba Johsai

**Nishinoya**  
fucking seijoh

**Kageyama**  
I will beat Oikawa.

**Tsukishima**  
You say that everytime

**Hinata**  
I’m so excited to face the great king again😁😁😁

**Sugawara**  
Hinata, I can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic or not

_Tuesday 1:43pm_

**Daichi**  
What’s y’all’s type?

**Tanaka**  
Kiyoko-san 

**Nishinoya**  
Kiyoko-san 

**Daichi**  
Mine is somebody kind and caring but will also bitch slap me to Europe if I do something wrong✨

**Asahi**  
i like when they’re confident

**Nishinoya**  
opposites attract Asahi :)

**Tanaka**  
you tell him Noya !!!

**Kageyama**  
A-

**Hinata**  
Nuh uh, your grades are not that good

**Kageyama**  
I’m talking about my blood type you dumbass

**Tsukishima**  
You’re both idiots. What’s your ROMANTIC type

**Hinata**  
Kageyama

**Kageyama**  
Hinata

**Ennoshita**  
What are y’all doin? Screwin?

**Hinata**  
what’s that?

**Kageyama**  
It means construction. Like screwing in screws! You’re literally a dumbass.

**Kinoshita**  
:o

_Tuesday 1:55pm_

**Hinata**  
what’s a simp?

**Ennoshita**  
you

_Tuesday 2:01 pm_

**Tanaka**  
just wanted to ask what the fuck is up with this stupid ass group chat name?

**Nishinoya**  
I was wondering the same thing tho, “volleyball gc” is so lame

**Daichi**  
I thought it was nice. Straight to the point.

**Nishinoya**  
Exactly, literally who in here is even straight?

**Tanaka**  
i am

**Ennoshita**  
closeted

**Tanaka**  
what?

**Ennoshita**  
there’s a difference between closeted and straight

**Sugawara**  
it’s a great name Daichi, but I’d prefer something like ‘#2 and his lackeys’

**Kageyama**  
I like the captain’s choice better.

**Nishinoya**  
um Sugawara supremacy. suga’s idea is better

**Tanaka**  
Agreed Noya

**Tsukishima**  
I like the captain’s choice. It makes us seem more like a team and less like a group of screaming banjos  
*banjos  
*banjos  
*BANSHEES

**Tanaka**  
having some troubles there bud?

**Tsukishima**  
At least my grades don’t look like they were thrown in the garbage just to be taken out, chewed up, and vomited into the toilet

**Sugawara**  
at least I’m not closeted

**Hinata**  
at least I don’t look like I just got out of prison

**Ennoshita**  
at least I’m trusted with the key to the gym.

**Yamaguchi**  
periodt Tsukki  
also  
I second Tsukki’s choice

**Tanaka**  
THE SLANDER IS TOO MUCH😭😭😭😭😭😭

**Ennoshita**  
Um chile anyway so I’m with the captain 

**Asahi**  
i don’t know u guys, i think Suga’s idea is better

**Kinoshita**  
^

**Sugawara**  
That’s 5 for me and 5 for Daichi who hasn’t voted?

**Asahi**  
Hinata

**Sugawara**  
Hinata! You choose the name

**Hinata**  
I choose?

**Daichi**  
Yes.

**Hinata**  
my choice is final? like the name I choose is periodt final?

**Tanaka**  
just choose already

_**Hinata** changed volleyball gc to **dummy thicc volleybitches**_

**Kageyama**  
good choice babe

**Ennoshita**  
oh lawd 

_Tuesday 4:15 pm_

**Daichi**  
Narita, I literally made this group chat so that you DON’T forget about today’s match

**Kageyama**  
who tf is Narita?

**Tsukishima**  
He’s literally number 7 on the team.

**Kinoshita**  
:(

**Ennoshita**  
miss gurl, he is number 8

**Tsukishima**  
my b

**Sugawara**  
Daichi, honey, Narita ain’t even in here

**Daichi**  
shit

**Tanaka**  
the captain cursed?!

**Nishinoya**  
holy shit

_Sugawara took a screenshot of the chat_

**Daichi**  
who has his number?

_Kinoshita added Narita to dummy thicc volleybitches_

**Narita**  
hey guys! I feel so blessed to be included!

**Daichi**  
I am so sorry

_Tuesday 8:46pm_

**Kageyama**  
i still can’t belive i had to eat Shoyo out todaye

**Kinoshita**  
o_o

**Nishinoya**  
KAGEYAMA WTF?!

**Daichi**  
AYO🔇THIS GC🔇WAS MADE FOR VOLLEYBALL CHAT🔇NOT YOUR PREMARITAL SEX🔇

**Hinata**  
tobio, I can see why you failed japanese now

**Kageyama**  
wdym?

**Hinata**  
You meant that you ‘can’t believe we finally got to eat out today’ right?

**Kageyama**  
no

_Sugawara took a screenshot of the chat_

**Sugawara**  
this is a special surprise tool that will help us later

_Wednesday 6:45am_

**Daichi**  
alright fess up

**Asahi**  
?

**Nishinoya**  
?

**Tanaka**  
?

**Hinata**  
?

**Kinoshita**  
?

**Daichi**  
who left their needle collection on the floor in the gym? i literally just stepped on like a billion needles  
and now  
i have holes in my feet  
and i’m probably gonna die 

**Hinata**  
wasn’t me

**Yamaguchi**  
me and Tsukki don’t sew 

**Sugawara**  
darling, who is the only one on the team that sews?

**Daichi**  
fucking Tanaka

_Sugawara took a screenshot of the chat_

_Wednesday 12:23 pm_

**Hinata**  
Very important question !! Do you drink pickle juice straight from the jar or do you freeze it into popsicles ??

**Tanaka**  
umm, neither?

**Nishinoya**  
wiat Tanaka? u don’t drink pickle juice after practice to replenish the amount of sodium in ur body?

**Tanaka**  
and why would i do that Noya? hm? why would I just CHOOSE to drink pickle juice?

**Nishinoya**  
because it’s literally so delicious. do you live in a cave or something?

**Hinata**  
do you not have access to the delegacy that is pickle juice? (Yachi taught me that word)

**Daichi**  
Hinata, I think you mean delicacy.

**Kageyama**  
i prefer milk

**Tanaka**  
I can’t believe y’all  
you’re crazy  
I don’t understand  
why you would drink that drink  
that looks like my pee

**Tsukishima**  
Lol Tanaka why does your urine look like that? You must be dehydrated. That’s probably why you don’t like pickle juice, because it’s too salty for your body to handle

**Yamaguchi**  
i agree with Tsukki

**Tanaka**  
fucking crazies  
i don’t know how y’all do it  
i don’t even understand how you haven’t failed out of school already

**Asahi**  
says Tanaka


	2. Ennoshita the wizard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> :)

_Thursday 4:17 am_

**Nishinoya**  
WAKE UPP  
WAKE UPPPPP  
I SAID WAKEEEUPPPPPP

**Tanaka**  
Noya wtf?

**Nishinoya**  
are you awake now?

**Tsukishima**  
no, he’s replying to you in his sleep

**Nishinoya**  
deadass?

**Tsukishima**  
yes.

**Nishinoya**  
that’s wack  
he must have like superpowers or something  
WAKE UP TANAKA  
WAKE   
UP

**Tanaka**  
I’m awake noya

**Nishinoya**  
I have a knock knock joke to tell you all

**Tsukishima**  
If this isn’t the best knock knock joke I’ve ever heard I will make sure you receive ZERO balls today. I will run full force into you everytime you try to get anything.  
or  
even better  
I’ll break your legs.

**Nishinoya**  
okay  
knock knock

**Kageyama**  
whose their

**Yamaguchi**  
who’s there?

**Nishinoya**  
cow says

**Hinata**  
cow says who

**Kageyama**  
Hinata BOKE cow doesn’t say who, cow says moo. You.  
Are.  
Literally.  
An idiot.

**Kinoshita**  
…

**Sugawara**  
don’t tell me Nishinoya  
was that the punchline?  
did you wake me up  
to tell a stupid knock knock joke that you couldn’t even finish?

**Nishinoya**  
well…

**Asahi**  
Daichi isn’t gonna be happy about this one Noya

**Nishinoya**  
😨

**Tanaka**  
seems like Noya is tired of living

**Daichi**  
I guess you really wanted to run all of practice today Nishinoya. I’m glad you’re committed to keeping in shape.

**Nishinoya**  
no  
captain please reconsider  
there’s another reason i woke you up!

**Ennoshita**  
that’s cap 🧢 

**Nishinoya**  
dammit Kageyama! If i wasn’t such a good upperclassman i would beat you up right now

**Sugawara**  
don’t worry, the joke sucked anyway

_Thursday 7:35 am_

**Ennoshita**  
would y’all be opposed to me changing my name?

**Sugawara**  
no?

_**Ennoshita** changed name to **bad bleep**_

**Kageyama**  
wut is a bad bleep?

**bad bleep**  
www.urbandictionary.com

**Kageyama**  
A bad bleep is: 1. “I just need to find 11,780 votes.” -Pres. Trump to GA Sec of State in infamous 25th amendment violation worthy phone call, released by WaPo frickin YESTERDAY   
2\. Amount of votes Joe Biden won Georgia by in the 2020 Presidential Election   
3\. Wouldn’t it be weird if the run-off senate vote in Georgia were contested?

**Tanaka**  
Kageyama wtf?

**Kageyama**  
I just clikt on the link

_Thursday 1:34 pm_

**Hinata**  
I am sorry to inform you guys, but me and Kageyama will not be joining practice later.

**Daichi**  
WHAT?! Why?!

**bad bleep**  
they got detention lol

**Hinata**  
unfortunately so

**Daichi**  
how did you knuckleheads manage that? and Ennoshita, how did you know?

**bad bleep**  
i know everything

**Kageyama**  
we were late to klass by 30 minits

**Sugawara**  
I know you guys are dating, but you can’t get frisky at school  
alright?

**Hinata**  
what’s a frisky?  
hold on I’ll go ask yachi   
brb  
why did she get all red when i asked her?

**Tanaka**  
it means horny

**Hinata**  
ooooh okay

**Kageyama**  
we were in the jim playing volleyball so we didn’t here the bell

**bad bleep**  
quit capping🧢   
I saw y’all  
In the equipment closet  
kissing passionately 

**Tanaka**  
weren’t you sleeping at your desk the entire lunch period Ennoshita?

**bad bleep**  
i don’t know Tanaka, was i?  
✨😎✨

**Yamaguchi**  
you’re a wizard  
a literal fucking wizard

**bad bleep**  
yes and yes

**Daichi**  
I can’t do this anymore

_**Daichi** left the chat_

_**Sugawara** added **Daichi** to dummy thicc volleybitches_

_Thursday 9:30 pm_

**Narita**  
[selfie of Narita with sunset in the background]  
#feelingblessed #goldenhour #wishyouwerehere 

**Kinoshita**  
:)

**Narita**  
#livelaughlove

**Kinoshita**  
凸(｀0´)凸

**Asahi**  
we shouldn’t be mean here

**Nishinoya**  
read the tag

**Asahi**  
凸(｀0´)凸

_Friday 9:54 am_

**bad bleep**  
hey guys, guess what

**Tanaka**  
ennoshita. do not say a word. or so help me i will spike a volleyball as hard as i can at your ass

**bad bleep**  
✨i’ll never snitch on you daddy✨  
i was just gonna say that i hope everybody remembers to congratulate the coach on his increased sales at the store recently

**Tanaka**  
oh  
sorry  
for going a little crazy there

**bad bleep**  
LMFAO   
JUST KIDDING  
GUYS GUESS WHAT   
TANAKA SAID THAT HE’S BETTER THAN SUGA ASAHI AND DAICHI COMBINED

**Tanaka**  
ENNOSHITA  
WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT  
THAT’S NOT EVEN WHAT HAPPENED

**Daichi**  
you said what now?

**Sugawara**  
I know I’m on the bench Tanaka, but that’s only because Kageyama is a genius.   
I could whoop your ass any day

**Asahi**  
that’s low  
Even for you  
Tanaka

**Tanaka**  
Ennoshita! That’s not what happened! Tell them what really happened

**bad bleep**  
um I don’t really want to get my rear end demolished by a volleyball

**Hinata**  
So not by a volleyball, but you do want your butt demolished  
right?

**bad bleep**  
ofc

**Sugawara**  
don’t worry Tanaka  
we’re not done talking

**Daichi**  
if that’s not what happened, then what actually did happen?

**Tanaka**  
FINE  
i said i didn’t like Taylor Swift’s new album

**Asahi**  
that’s even worse

**Sugawara**  
let’s beat him up

**Asahi**  
I’m down

**Daichi**  
Meet us behind the school at lunchtime Tanaka

**Sugawara**  
be there or be square

**Tanaka**  
am i about to die?

_Friday 10:00 am_

**Tanaka**  
guys?

_Friday 10:01 am_

**Tanaka**  
hello?

_Friday 10:04 am_

**Tanaka**  
is anybody gonna answer me?

_Friday 11:05 am_

**Sugawara**  
it’s time Tanaka

**Daichi**  
lunch started five minutes ago, where are you?

**Tanaka**  
why would I tell you guys that?

**Sugawara**  
@badbleep where is Tanaka?

**bad bleep**  
hiding in the third stall of the bathroom near the cafeteria on the first floor 

**Tanaka**  
Ennoshita how tf?   
how did you knobsbdbshajaa

**Asahi**  
package secured  
thanks Ennoshita  
you can have Tanaka’s position after we’ve dealt with him

**bad bleep**  
thanks king 👑 

**Asahi**  
np

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don’t have anything against live, laugh, love people


	3. What vegetable are you?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 8D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry for the short and late update; I am ill.

_Saturday 6:50am_

**Daichi**  
Coach wanted me to remind you guys about our upcoming training camp with the Tokyo schools in a week.  
He also wanted me to remind you punks that we'll be running for most of practice today since only half the team showed up yesterday.

**Tanaka**  
this is not my fault  
u guys strapped me to a chair and made me listen to Taylor Swift songs on repeat for HOURS non stop.

**Sugawara**  
and what did you learn from that enlightening experience?

**Tanaka**  
Taylor Swift makes good music

**Sugawara**  
A little vague, but I expect nothing more from you 

**Hinata**  
at least it’s not my fault that i got detention

**Asahi**  
Hinata  
It is entirely your fault that you got detention   
but  
Nishinoya?  
where were u?

**Nishinoya**  
beating up kids in the back of the school

**Asahi**  
Noo  
You can’t get in trouble again

**Nishinoya**  
they were harassing Kiyoko!!!!!!  
what else was i supposed to do?

_Saturday 3:56 pm_  
 **Hinata**  
Hey guys! Take this quiz!  
What Vegetable are you Most Like?

**Tsukishima**  
and why should I do anything you say?

**Nishinoya**  
i got tomato!  
it says i am bursting with energy and im loved by many people!

**Tsukishima**  
I hate tomatoes

**Nishinoya**  
nobody asked u

**Daichi**  
I got celery  
I’m strong and reliable with a good looks, but on the inside I’m secretly a bad person

**Sugawara**  
oh  
wow  
this test is very accurate

**Daichi**  
I’m hurt Suga :(

**Kageyama**  
i’m a cauliflower

**Yamaguchi**  
what’s that supposed to mean?  
that you taste good with buffalo sauce

**Tanaka**  
don’t tell me  
you eat cauliflower with buffalo sauce?

**Yamaguchi**  
problem?

**Tanaka**  
you’re crazy

**Sugawara**  
Tanaka’s at it again🙄  
Not letting people just have their own opinions  
What’s the matter with liking buffalo sauce on cauliflower?

**Tanaka**  
i-

**Nishinoya**  
stop talking Tanaka

**Tanaka**  
wut?! y?!

_**Daichi** adjusted **Tanaka’s** chat settings: **Emote Only**_

**Tanaka**  
😔

**Ennoshita**  
um  
okay  
anyway  
I got a grapefruit

**Tsukishima**  
wtf that isn’t even a vegetable

**Asahi**  
how the heck? that doesn’t even make sense?!

**Ennoshita**  
✨don’t question it✨

_Saturday 11:30pm_

**Hinata**  
What would you guys do if I slipped on a large rock at the hiking trails at 7:27 pm on a Saturday night and broke my ankle?

**Sugawara**  
Hinata?! Are you okay?!

**Kageyama**  
I would bring you ice cream at the hospitall

**Hinata**  
<3

**Daichi**  
Do you need anything?  
Do you want me to bring you anything? Why would you spring this on us right now?!

**Asahi**  
You should’ve told us sooner so we could visit you!!

**Tsukishima**  
Looks like we’re not going to nationals

**Yamaguchi**  
Lol Tsukki you’re so funny

**Tsukishima**  
It wasn’t really a joke though.

**Daichi**  
Have you told coach yet?!

**Hinata**  
tell coach what?

**Sugawara**  
YOUR ANKLE!!

**Hinata**  
what about my ankle?

**Kinoshita**  
୧☉□☉୨

**Kageyama**  
y r u all freaking out?

**Asahi**  
Why aren’t YOU freaking out? Your boyfriend broke his ankle!

**Kageyama**  
when?

**Sugawara**  
have you not been paying attention to this entire conversation?

**Ennoshita**  
…  
guys…

**Hinata**  
my ankle is fine lol

**Tsukishima**  
Are you saying that was all a hypothetical situation?

**Hinata**  
i don’t know what a hypotenuse is  
but  
yeah  
probably

**Daichi**  
I can’t believe this  
I’m going to bed  
Send one more message  
And I’ll end you

_Sunday 2:30 AM_

**Narita**  
Just woke up and found out my cat died after my house burned down and at the same time I was informed that I failed every single class and I’ll have to take remedial classes over the summer. I am so sad, but at least I don’t have to buy cat food anymore🥰 I can save a few dollars every month.

**Asahi**  
that’s a glass half-full way to look at it…

**Sugawara**  
wtf

**Daichi**  
Narita  
Are you okay?


End file.
